Wednesday, February 4, 2015

OMG - My WHAT Got Sweaty?

I work out like a total beast at the gym. I figure if i'm going to take time out of my already busy schedule to run 6 miles and work the weights every morning then i'm going to make every last minute count, dammit! Which means i've had to come to terms with the fact that i sweat. A lot. I even have acrobatic flying sweat. Which has caused a no man's land perimeter to be set up around me by the other (non-sweaty) patrons. Smug bastards. Whatevah. Like a little sweat splatter ever killed anyone.

I've learned to not be self conscious about it. Or the fact that my face gets as red as my hair. There's a price to be paid, amiright? So what if I look like a flailing six year old when I run. And who cares if my nipples stand at attention through my sports bra. Pffft. Those two bitches get perky at any old excuse.

I'm used to this level of sweat... with bigger boobs of course...
and bigger ass... and my abs haven't looked like that in ever... but i digress.
But today... today it went too far. I wore a new shirt to the gym because my old black tee has gotten a tad baggy. While I ran I noticed the dark ring of sweat blossoming between my large and bouncy breasts. Noooo prob. I felt sweat run down my back and into the crack of my ass. Iz alright. It's fat crying, right? Or in my case, bawling like a hysterical infant. I can handle ALL of that.

What I can't handle is looking in the dressing room mirror and noticing that I have two perfectly symmetrical rings of nipple sweat standing out like carnival barkers, yelling for everyone to check out the slutty nipples with their come-hither hardness. Those bitches! How could they sweat on me? Who the hell ever heard of nipples sweating anyway? Breasts, yes. Asses, yes. Nipples, no! Just no.

Tomorrow I'm wearing my baggy black tshirt which at least has the decency to disguise the flagrant display.

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