Thursday, November 20, 2014

Morning Musing: The Domme Factor

I didn't wake up one morning and decide i was a dominatrix. Maybe there are some people who just decide "this is who i am and in my free time i'm going to torture lovely submissives." I'd probably find their motives suspect.

Despite being a redhead and infused with a genetic cocktail of irish, german and native american temper - i'm typically a nonviolent person.
I detest confrontation. I try to see the best in everyone. I consciously avoid causing harm to anyone, whenever possible. Unless i have a flogger in my hand. Then all bets are off and I morph into a joyfully demonic sadist who takes enormous pleasure in meeting the needs of my subbies. By inflicting pain that lingers for days.

And that's the key. Right there. Meeting one's own needs by meeting the needs of others. The D/s relationship is exquisitely rich with layers of complexity. There's not only consensual power exchange, there's the psychological aspects, the emotional components and of course the physical, which involves endorphine rushes that beats the hell out of everything else (no pun intended). Riding that line between pain and pleasure and feeling your very soul expand, spreading into territory you never knew existed... well, unless you've been there - you simply can't imagine it. The Domme in me loves giving that gift to the submissives who grant me their trust. And their pain.  Because there is pain. Not the "oh fuck, i smashed my hand" kind of pain. The "holy shit that hurts in the best damn way possible" type of pain. It hurts... but it doesn't.

I know this because in addition to being a Domme, i have a Master who likes to dish back everything (and then some) of whatever i deliver to my subs. It's like a perfect karmic cycle. I actually started out as a submissive, but even from the start i didn't submit easily... or gracefully. I can remember a couple of instances of having my clothes ripped off when i resisted. (oh lawd, i love my memories.)

While on the journey with him, an amazing thing happened - an aspect of myself that i had buried deep because it was so frightening, began to blossum. Thank all the goddesses that my lover is such an insightful man that he recognized what was happening and encouraged me to explore these emerging parts of myself. He became not just my Master but my teacher. Every compliment i receive from other Doms and from my beautiful subs belong to him.

I didn't wake up one morning and decide I was a dominatrix. It flowed out of me naturally, growing until it wrapped around me like a comfortable skin.  One that always belonged.


  1. Great story about your master recognizing your hidden dominant side and nurturing it... seems you found the right person, or he found you. (Pardon lack of caps, but that's one of our household rules, instituted by the one who'd otherwise get the caps.)

  2. yeah - he is amazing. one of my best friends in the whole world. at some point i'll talk about the healing journey he took me on. and i'm a disciple of eecummings so.... :D

  3. Beautiful start, to an amazing blog. I love that you enjoy meeting the needs of others and in that you gain pleasure. I too understand being Sub and enjoying that sweet pain until I broke my Dom with one sharp intake of breath he proclaimed he has never punished a sub as much as he had me and could no longer do so. yup I broke my Dom but I was never truly a submissive I but I like to play and of course I like to try everything more than once ;) hmmm Female Dom ..... wink wink

  4. you would make an awesome Domme Rache. you have that inner core of evil. :P

    1. You know it, I also have that no fear, adrenaline driven personality that LOVES giving others just what they need ;)

      old nickname of mine ...

    2. Actually Kota I don't think it is evil at the core but kindness and acceptance of others and their needs without any judgement. The ability to provide a level of comfort to express those needs has always been something that has been at the core of who I am.

    3. i agree 100%. as you know i love exploring social norms and so called abnorms, especially those things considered taboo or forbidden. we're taught they're wrong, yet so often those are the things we're drawn to. ironically, they aren't "wrong" just labeled and accepted as that. Beating a person in anger or hate = wrong because you force yourself on them; flogging them because they've asked you to = not wrong... just different than what some people may enjoy. :D

  5. June/Nye: Checking in, nothing to add at the present time.

  6. 1) I'ma have to make a blogger account now dammit ;-)

    2) That was a great post. Color me chuffed.


  7. ha!!! i love the new blogger name! you do have quite the sting, Sir. <3